Starry Eyed Again
by TrickPhotography
Summary: Reunited, Captain Steve Rogers and his girl Dr. Emily Harthorn attempt to find a balance between work and their private lives. Set between 'Change is Everything' and its sequel.
1. Chapter 1

_Here I go again;_  
_I hear those trumpets blow again;_  
_All aglow again - taking a chance on love._  
_Here I slide again;_  
_About to take that ride again.;_  
_Starry eyed again - taking a chance on love._

_Taking A Chance on Love by Benny Goodman and Lisa Morrow_

* * *

Adjusting

It didn't take long for Steve to realize just how much things had changed since he left.

The city was suddenly teeming with people trying to be heroes. And while Steve thought it was good that people were taking an interest in fighting crime, he knew they were going about it the wrong way. The NYPD was constantly railing against the rise in vigilantism, they weren't listening.

One night, Steve caught a news special on television where they managed to get a couple of these would-be heroes on screen. "We're just trying to take back our streets, like Iron Man and Captain America!" one girl with bright pink hair and a black band across her face with eyeholes cut out said. He'd smirked and flipped the channel.

You couldn't walk around Manhattan without seeing ongoing repairs. Scaffolding was set up against blocks of buildings, and the construction industry boomed. Of course, Stark Tower had been repaired right away, but in the rest of the city it was slow work.

Sidewalk corners that had been cluttered with memorials were cleared and the items collected and catalogued by city. Months ago they had announce a plan to create a permanent memorial site to remember all of those who died – though little progress had been made towards it. The graffiti, though, remained. Steve found himself slowing down to look at the street art, recognizing the homage's to his team. It made him incredibly happy that the NYPD and FDNY were represented as well.

The best part, though, was that no one knew who he was.

No one knew who Captain America was.

OOO

Em and Steve had spent that first weekend together, talking about what had happened between them. She'd propped herself up on an elbow, hair falling in her face, while he told her about his road trip. He'd brushed away her tears as she talked about cleaning out Garrett's apartment and going to see his parents.

And they'd yelled. They'd fought about why he left. He finally got angry with her for what happened with Garrett. She screamed about how he treated her like an incompetent fool.

And then they made up, and Steve found out how great make up sex could be.

On Sunday night, after they'd taken another shower, Emily stole one of his shirts and retrieved her bra from the living room. As she slid the shirt on, Em turning her neck to examine the love bites he'd left as she did up the buttons. "I look like a horny teenager," she smirked. Steve, a towel wrapped around his hips, laughed and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back against his chest.

"There's worse things," he chuckled, nosing the material away so that he could kiss her throat.

"I'm sure that's going to gain the respect of my students. Ah!" she laughed, slapping his hand away as he started to unbutton the shirt.

"Huh?" Steve hummed against her skin.

"We can't. I've got to go home."

"Why?"

"I have this thing called work in the morning. And," she bit her lip against a moan as one hand travelled lower and the other cupped her breast, "and I've got to prep for classes."

"Do it in the morning."

"Class at 9:00."

"Later."

"Steve," she said, her voice firm as she met his gaze in the mirror.

"Okay," he huffed before taking a step back. "Okay, but can I…?" Em turned around, the corner of her mouth quirking up. Standing on her toes, she cupped his face and kissed him.

"I've got a department meeting at 8:00, so I'm out the door at 6:30."

"So that's a no."

"That's a 'not on Sunday'."

OOO

On Monday, Emily texted him to say that she was staying late to help one of her grad students.

On Tuesday, she didn't return his text until after 9:00 with the apology that she'd been at the gym.

On Wednesday, she had a late class.

On Thursday, Em turned down his dinner plans because she was taking a dance class.

So on Friday, Steve found himself sitting in the hallway with his back against her door, cooling Chinese food beside him. He swung his head to look at the elevator as the doors open, and Em stepped out, a bag strapped across her chest and rolling another behind her. Her eyes were shut as she yawned, and when they opened, she gave him a tired smile as he stood.

"Hey," she said while rummaging in her purse. "Didn't know you were coming over." Em tilted her head up to kiss him, and Steve obliged.

"Well, I thought we could have some dinner and catch up since we haven't talked all week." While he tried to keep his tone light, she still frowned.

"Sorry, it's been kind of hectic." Em unlocked the door and stepped into her apartment, heading straight for her office while Steve deposited the food in the kitchen. As she put away her bags and tossed her shoes and purse into the bedroom, he grabbed plates and silverware. At least that hadn't changed in the months since he'd been here.

"Hectic?" Steve prompted, frowning down at near cold dinner he'd bought an hour before.

"Yeah," she nodded, nabbing a piece of sweet and sour chicken; she frowned slightly and grabbed the container before popping in into the microwave. "One of my grad students is thinking about dropping out of the program so I've been talking that over with him. And then I called Dr. Peña this afternoon to see if I could come in for a session after my last class – "

"Dr. Peña?"

"She's," Emily stopped scooping rice onto her plate and frowned, "I didn't tell you about Dr. Peña?"

"No."

"Oh," she said, turning to get the food from the microwave as the timer went off. "She's the therapist I've been seeing. Carter got S.H.I.E.L.D. to clear me going to see her – "

"You're going to therapy?"

"Well, yeah," she shrugged, handing him the box of rice. "With everything that happened I kind of needed someone to talk to. And I can't exactly go to a civilian therapist and talk about how my boyfriend saves the world."

"Why'd you need to go today? If it wasn't a normal appointment?"

"Rough night, and I kind of wanted to talk to someone about it." Steve picked up his plate and walked over to the couch since she didn't have a dining room table.

"You could have called me."

"Hey," Em said, grabbing her plate as well and following him. She set it on the coffee table and perched on the couch's arm, putting a hand on his shoulder. Steve didn't meet her gaze as he pushed his food around with his fork. "Hey," she said more insistently, running her hand through his hair and turning his face so he looked at her. "I appreciate you wanting to help me, but I handled it. I'm okay."

"You always handle it on your own?" he asked.

"No," she replied after a moment. "Carter's been staying over and he usually helps me through it."

"Sweetheart," he groaned. "I – "

"Listen," Emily ordered, looking at him over the rim of her glasses. "This is something that I need to learn to handle on my own, just like you did. So you not hovering is for the best. This isn't me pushing you away or anything, it's just me taking care of myself. Got it?"

"I just – "

"Got it?"

"Got it," Steve repeated.

"Good," she smiled, leaning down to kiss him. "I love you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Yeah, I know. I love you too."

"Good. Now," Em said, retrieving her plate and turning so that she faced him. "Tell me about your week."

"Not much to say," he shrugged, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as she tucked her feet under his thigh. It didn't take long for them to cover his wanderings around the Tower and city, gym sessions, and unpacking. So he turned the question back on her and listened to her rambling about her students and fellow faculty members.

"Hey," Emily said later when they were curled up on the couch; she was half lying on top of him with her head on his chest.

"Yeah?" Steve asked as he continued to stroke her hair.

"You should to go talk to S.H.I.E.L.D. on Monday."

"Huh?" With a soft sigh, Em propped her chin on his chest and gave him a small smile.

"You should. You're miserable."

"No I'm not," he countered, his left hand sliding from her hair down to the small of her back.

"Steve, you're a man of action, and not doing anything is killing you. You can't tell me you're happy just wandering around aimlessly."

"Well," he said, his right hand, which had been wrapped around her thigh, shooting up to smooth down his hair. "I was thinking that I would…uh…that I could…" he trailed off when she raised an eyebrow. "You want me to go back to them?"

"I want you to do what makes you happy."

"Even after everything they did to you?"

"That's for me to deal with."

"No – "

"Yes, it's – "

"No, Emily, it's not something for you to deal with," Steve said, his voice firm. He saw her eyebrow twitch as though she was going to challenge him on it. "It not just your problem. If I go back to them, I'm not going to be able to keep you separated from it all. I won't be able to keep my life with you from blurring with my job at S.H.I.E.L.D., so you'll be involved with them_ because _of me."

"Is this a thing about you keeping me safe again? Because I think I've proven that I –"

"This is me deciding if I trust them, especially given how much they've lied to you." Emily's eyes darted over his face before biting her lip and nodding.

"Okay. Just…just don't make the decision because of me, okay? I don't want to be the reason you're unhappy." Shaking his head, Steve reached down and wrapped his hand around her thigh again and pulled so that she was straddling his hips before he cradled her face.

"You, Emily Rose, are the reason I _am_ happy."

"Yeah?" she smiled as he pushed her hair behind her ears.

"Yeah," he said before pulling her down for a kiss.

"Sap," she teased.

OOO

After some discussion, Em and Steve decided not to drive to Vermont for Thanksgiving. She had work that needed to be caught up on, and Steve was ready to relax after driving around the country.

Not to mention it would be a bit awkward being around the Harthorns when they hadn't quite forgiven Steve.

They'd counted on spending the day at home and just making a small meal until Emily had let the new plans slip to her colleague. Dr. Alice Martin had been adamant that they join the small party that she was having at her home.

Steve had done well mingling with her co-workers, and she'd taken some gentle teasing for dating someone named Steve Rogers.

But when they'd gotten home to his apartment that night, he'd admitted to being exhausted and having to channel his USO persona quite a few times.

OOO

Steve leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. There were a few people in the hallway, but he ignored them for the most part and instead focused on the scuff on his shoe.

Fifteen minutes passed, and he was still waiting. And then he heard the click of heels and looked up to see Emily walking towards him, a stack of papers in her arms. "Hi," she said, giving him a slow smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood," Steve shrugged.

"What's the real reason?" Em asked as she dug her keys out of her pocket; she nodded to a student who greeted her as she walked by.

"I, uh," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I went to S.H.I.E.L.D. this morning."

"Oh." Steve watched her as she set her papers on the floor to ceiling bookshelf, trying to figure out what she was thinking. "Ok, I need to run to the restroom, but then I'm all for grabbing lunch and talking about your meeting."

"I don't really have time for lunch." A confused look passed over her face before she shook her head and held up a finger.

"Restroom, then talk."

"Okay," he smiled, giving her a quick peck as she brushed past him. As she walked out, Em pulled the door so that it was almost closed. Once alone, Steve walked around her desk and looked out the window; she had a nice view.

"Hey, Em – " Steve turned quickly when there was a sharp knock on the door before it was pushed open. The man with brown hair and glasses stopped talking as his jaw dropped. "Oh, uh, hi."

"Hi," Steve said. "Emi – uh, Dr. Harthorn just stepped out for a minute." He squinted, trying to figure out why the man looked so familiar.

And then it hit him.

"Ah. Uh, just, uh, tell her that Ryan, I mean, Dr. Dietrich was looking for her. It's not important, but, yeah, just…"

"Okay." Ryan jerked a nod and rapped his knuckles against the doorframe before turning to leave. But then he stopped and turned back to face him.

"You're the guy from the diner, right? Em's ex?"

"Yeah," Steve said. "Yeah, that was me."

"Right. Okay," Ryan frowned, "yeah. Just…just tell her I stopped by."

"Okay." Steve sat in Em's chair after Ryan left, pulling the door shut behind him, and sighed. That hadn't been awkward at all.

"Alright," Emily said when she got back, closing the door and flicking the lock into place. "You went to S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"Yeah," he smiled as she walked around her desk and sat on it before smoothing her grey slacks down. "But you just missed Dr. Dietrich."

"I….huh?"

"Dr. Dietrich, he just left." She glanced at her watch an sighed.

"I'll deal with that later. Now," she gently tapped his leg with her toe. "Talk."

So he did. Steve told her about meeting up with Coulson – who was still on light duty – and the videoconference with Fury. They wanted him to sign on as an agent, but he wasn't willing to do that. Instead, Steve had agreed to consult with them. Negotiating the terms had taken ages, but he'd wanted to be very specific about his involvement with them. In the end, they'd both sacrificed a bit of what they wanted, but Steve was satisfied that all bases had been covered.

"Which," he said with a sigh, "is why I can't go out for lunch. I need to be back soon."

"For what?"

"There's a mission they need me on. One of their guys was injured and they need someone to step in. Sitwell's going to brief me on the intel before we head out."

"Oh." Emily had to bit her tongue against the words that threatened to spill from her mouth. Words that, strung together, would beg him not to go, remind him that he'd just gotten back, say that it was too dangerous.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart," Steve said as he got up and stood in front of her. "I didn't think that they'd need me right away."

"No," she forced a smile. Her voice was falsely cheerful as she rested her hands on his hips. "No, don't worry about it. This is…it's something you have to do. Just be careful, alright?"

"I will be."

"And make sure you come back in one piece."

"Yes ma'am," he smiled, wrapping his arms around her.

"Try to minimize the number of injuries you get."

"Of course," he chuckled, leaning down. When she opened her mouth to give the next order, Steve quickly silenced her with a kiss. Em fisted her hands in his shirt, drawing him closer as he pressed her down onto the desk, hands travelling down her sides to where her button up was tucked into her slacks. Quickly, he tugged her shirt up and slipped his hand under to feel the smooth expanse of her stomach. When his thumb brushed over her scar, she tensed slightly.

"Gonna miss you," she said softly as he mouthed against her throat.

"Gonna miss you too," he groaned as she reached between them and undid his belt and undid the button of his pants. "Can't, Em."

"We can squeeze in a quicky," she disagreed.

"Dr. Harthorn?" a voice from the hall called as they knocked on the door. Emily's eyes grew huge as she clapped a hand over both her and Steve's mouths. They stayed completely still when the guy knocked again, and remained that way until they heard him walk away.

"I swear to god," Em groaned, squeezing Steve's shoulders tightly, "I have office hours for a reason!" He chuckled and kissed her again.

"Probably for the best. I've got to get back," he sighed and adjusted himself before buttoning his pants and fixing his belt. Emily slid off her desk and tucked in her shirt, giving him a curt nod.

"Okay. Just…just be careful and come home soon."

"I will, Sweetheart," he assured her. Steve smiled as she reached up to wipe a bit of her lipstick from his mouth and pressed a kiss to her palm. "Hopefully I won't be gone too long."

"You better not be," Em smirked. "Alright, Soldier, you've got your marching orders."

"Ma'am," he ducked his head. When he stepped around her, she swatted his ass, which made him raise an eyebrow.

"Come back and we'll christen the office."

"I'll hurry home, then."

"You better."

OOO

There was an annoying buzzing and an insistent chiming. Emily rolled onto her stomach and pulled a pillow over her head, hovering on the edge of sleep and consciousness. She let out a contented sigh when the noise stopped.

And then it started again.

Em blindly reached for her phone on the nightstand and frowned when she couldn't find it. With a huff, she opened her eyes and grabbed it; when she saw that it was two in the morning, her heart started to race. Late night calls rarely meant anything good.

"Hello?" she said, her voice rough with sleep.

"Good morning, Dr. Harthorn," JARVIS greeted her.

"Is everything okay?"

"I believe Captain Rogers is in some distress, and you seemed the most logical person to call."

"Distress?" Em asked, sitting up. This was the first she'd heard anything about Steve in the last four days.

"Yes. Perhaps it would be best for you to come over?"

"Yeah," she said, rubbing her eyes and flinging back the covers. "Yeah, I'll be over right away. Can you, uh, make sure I can get into the garage?"

"Of course."

"Alright. I'm –" she yawned, "I'm on my way."

"Wonderful." Once off the phone, Em got out of bed and stretched before going to her closet and getting one of her hoodies. After putting on her bra, sweatshirt, and shoes, she grabbed a bag and quickly shoved in her toiletries and the outfit she'd ironed for the next day before hurrying out of her bedroom.

"Drive safe."

Em shrieked and stumbled back into the wall, pressing a hand to her heart. "What the actual fuck, Carter?" she groaned. "When the hell did you get here?"

"About an hour or so ago. Oi!" he snapped, throwing an arm over his eyes when she flipped on the kitchen light. Squinting, he rolled off of the couch and stood, scratching his bare chest. Her eyes darted across his skin, taking in the scrapes and yellowing bruises before her eyes zeroed in on the gauze taped just above his hip. "Eyes up here, Harthorn," he chuckled while bending to retrieve the Tupperware from the coffee table. He tried, unsuccessfully, to hide the wince of pain.

"That was my lunch for today, asshole," she sighed, trying to sound more exasperated than relieved at seeing him.

"I'll buy you lunch." Carter walked towards her and winked. "Just name the time."

"After you get a hair cut and shave," Em fought smiling. His hair was long enough to be pulled back into a small ponytail, and a beard covered most of his face.

"Not into the caveman look?" he smirked before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"No, I like my men clean cut. But hey," she said, catching his elbow as he moved towards her kitchen. "Seriously, are you okay?"

"Knife wound," he shrugged. "I'll be right as rain in a few weeks."

"Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not. But you should go, Steve needs to you more than I do."

"Is he…?" she asked, her voice hitching with fear.

"No, no, he's alright," Carter said quickly. "I just heard some of the debrief while we were both in medical. They lost three members of their team."

"Oh my god," Em gasped, pressing a hand to her mouth.

"Yeah. He's taking it hard."

"Are you going to be okay? Or do you want me to call Sharon?"

"She's still on the Helicarrier. But don't worry, I'm fine. Just need to get some sleep."

"You sure? I mean, you can come to the Tower if you want. Steve's got a ton of room."

"Nah," Carter shook his head. "Your couch is just fine. Tell him I'll be over for breakfast, though. We've got some catching up to do."

"Okay. Just…if you change your mind," she trailed off.

"I've had worse, Doll. Now go take care of you lover and let me get some sleep."

"Don't call him my lover. It sounds like a bad romance novel." Carter laughed and kissed her temple before gently pushing her towards the front door. She took a step towards it before turning around and throwing her arms around Carter's neck. "I'm glad you're back," she said before kissing his cheek.

OOO

As soon as she'd pulled the car into the garage, the elevator door opened. Half-running, she hurried past Tony's cars and started the long ride up to his floor.

"Steve?" she called when the doors opened, not really expecting an answer. JARVIS brought up the lights as she walked into the foyer.

"The Captain is in the master _en suite_," Jarvis supplied, making Em jump slightly.

"Thanks," Em muttered and hitched her bag higher on her shoulder as she walked to Steve's room. The door was ajar, almost as if it had been flung open hard enough to bounce back against the wall. Bitig her lip, Emily stepped inside and paused when she accidentally kicked something.

Crouching, Em let her bag fall to the ground and picked up Steve's helmet. She looked at it for a long moment, running her thumbs over the indentations that made the silver wings, before walking to his dresser and setting it on top. And with a deep breath, she approached the bathroom door where she could hear the shower going.

"Steve?" No answer. "Hon, are you okay?" After a moment, Em pushed the door open and stepped in. "Oh, sweetie," she said sadly.

The marble wall blocked her view of from mid-chest down, but she still saw enough. Steve was still in his uniform, head bowed into the spray and his cowl bunched around his neck. His left arm was braced against the wall, jaw clenched, and eyes closed.

Emily shut the door behind her and quickly went to the linen closet and retrieved two towels, which she sat on the rim of garden tub across to the shower. Eyeing the black thing tossed against one of the sinks, she pulled off her hoodie and let it fall to the ground, quickly followed by the rest of her clothes.

"_Merde_," she hissed when the first ice-cold droplet landed on her skin. Gently nudging Steve aside, she reached around him and adjusted the tap to a more reasonable temperature. Steve still hadn't opened his eyes. Ducking under his arm, Em placed herself between him and the wall, and reached up to cup his face, avoiding the cuts and scrapes. "_Mon coeur_?" Nothing. Sighing, she placed a kiss on his forehead before wrapping her arms around him, shivering slightly at the chill of his uniform. "It's going to be okay," she said softly.

"They're dead," Steve said so softly that Em almost missed it.

"I know," she said. "Carter told me."

"It was my fault."

"I'm sure it wasn't," Emily said, taking hold of his right forearm and attempting to loosen the straps. His mouth turned into a mockery of a smile and he shook his head, jerked his arm from her grasp, grimacing slightly, and stepped away from her.

"It was. They were gunning for me, and the team took the hit." She pressed her lips into a thin line before shaking her head.

"You did what you cou – "

"Don't," Steve barked. "Don't try to make this okay."

"Alright," Emily said cautiously, eyes going wide as she held up her hands, "I won't. I'm sorry." Some of the hardness in his eyes softened.

"Sweetheart," he groaned. "I think it'd be better if you left."

"Okay," she nodded. "I'll leave – when you get out of the shower."

"Emily," Steve said sternly.

"Steven." He looked angry again as she stared him down, eyebrow cocked and arms crossed over her breasts. Finally, he hung his head and tugged at the snap clasps at his throat. "What's wrong with your arm?" Emily asked, nodding to his right arm. She'd noticed that he was favoring his left.

"Dislocated my shoulder." When he saw the worried look on Emily's face he shrugged his right shoulder. "Did worse before."

"That's reassuring," she smirked before taking his left hand and removing the glove. She tucked it under her arm before gently taking his right hand again and, trying not to jostle him at all, removed that glove as well. With a well-aimed toss, both gloves landed in the tub. "Do I need to worry about anything going off in this?" Em asked, tapping his belt.

"I've got it," he said, quickly undoing the buckle. He leaned out of the shower and draped it over the rim of the tub. Both he and Emily had questioned the wisdom of a shower with no door but now it Steve was realizing what a convenience it was.

Emily put a hand on his chest and tugged open the clasps holding the blue panel of his Kevlar/nomex vest before undoing the zipper. With her help, Steve was able to slip his left arm out without jostling his right shoulder too much, and she stepped behind him to slide it off of his left arm. The blue undershirt was a bit more of a struggle, and 'fuck' and 'damn it' slipped from Steve's mouth quite frequently.

A dark purple bruise had formed on his right shoulder, and Steve saw Emily bite her lip, eyes going wide at the sight. "Like I said, had worse," he assured her.

"That really doesn't make it any better," Em sighed before pulling her eyes away from it to look over the rest of his body. There were lighter bruises here and there but nothing nearly as bad.

"I'm in one piece, at least," he said, giving her a tired smile.

"True." Steve wrapped his good arm around Em's waist and pulled her close.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I just…I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Okay. That's all you have to say and I'll back off." Steve sighed and leaned down to rest his forehead to hers. "I love you."

"Love you too," he sighed before pressing his lips to hers. "Missed you."

"I-I," she started to say before turning away and covering her mouth as she yawned. "Missed you too."

"What time is it?" Steve asked.

"After two, probably closer to three."

"You've got to go to campus in a few hours," he groaned.

"I'll be okay," she shrugged. "But come on, I'm getting prune-y." Em gently pushed him back against the wall before kneeling again and working at his boots; despite Steve's protests that he could do it, undoing the buckles and tugging them off proved to be a two handed effort. Steve's cock twitched with interest as she undid his pants and slid them down his legs along with his briefs, but they were both too tired to do much about that. "Do these even have a function?" she teased, tapping the zippers on his thighs.

"Haven't found one yet," he shrugged before hissing in pain.

"Yeah, let's not do that again," she advised.

Once they'd both cleaned up and dressed for bed, Emily bullied Steve into wearing the sling S.H.I.E.L.D.'s medical team had given him and he'd taken off. He complained as she tightened the strap around his bare torso, effectively immobilizing the arm, until she silenced him with a kiss. After he'd moved his shield from where he'd tossed it on the bed, Em and Steve crawled in, which set off another round of angry muttering.

Steve usually slept on his right side.

"Fuck. I hate this thing."

"Roll over, you big baby," she huffed as he once again turned and jostled his shoulder. Steve did as she said, and Emily curled against his back, wrapping an arm around him and sliding the other under her pillow. "Just don't elbow my stomach and we won't have issues, Rogers."

"I'll try not to," he said, shifting to get comfortable. Admittedly, he felt a bit awkward being the little spoon, as Emily called it, but at least it kept him from turning over.

"Night," Em said softly before pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade.

"Night, Sweetheart."

OOO

They definitely weren't the best pancakes he'd ever had, Steve decided as he devoured the food Carter had brought over the next morning, but they were a hell of a lot better the MREs he'd been eating the last few days.

"So," the agent said over the rim of his coffee cup. "Shall I yell at you now or later?"

"Say your piece," Steve sighed, knowing that he'd full well deserve everything that Carter gave him. After all, he'd been taking care of his girl while Steve was gone.

"Let's start with this: if you ever put her through what you did again, just remember that I have access to an arsenal of S.H.I.E.L.D. weaponry, I'm about to leave the organization, and I'm a British citizen. I may not have your strength, but I'm pretty sure I could kick your arse and make you stay down for a while if you pull that stunt again."

"Understood," Steve smirked.

It definitely was the most interesting version of the shovel talk he'd gotten.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hey guys! So thanks for following me over to this short fic. There aren't going to be too many in 'Starry Eyed Again' because these are just little insights into what's going on in Steve and Emily's lives between the end of Change and the beginning of the sequel which will be called - drum roll please - 'Star Spangled Heart'.

Please be patient with me on posting these. I've got a plot roughed out for these one-shots, but I'm working full time, I've started my PhD, and am trying to research/firm up the plot for the sequel. As you can see, I'm not making these short. Please, please, please be patient!

Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

_You always hurt the one you love_

_The one you shouldn't hurt at all_

_You always take the sweetest rose_

_Crust it, till the petals fall_

_You always break the kindest heart_

_With a hasty word you can't recall, so_

_If I broke your heart last night_

_It's because I love you most of all…_

_You Always Hurt the One You Love by The Mills Brothers_

* * *

"Where the hell is it?" Emily muttered, shifting around papers as her cell phone continued to chime. "Mother fu-AH HA! Hello?"

"Hello, love. I'm just calling to say congratulations."

"Congratulations? For what?" Em asked.

"You haven't seen it?" Carter chuckled.

"Seen what?"

"It's exciting news, Em. You really should know."

"Tell me or hang up, Falsworth."

"I'm astonished."

"Carter."

"Number eight on the New York Times Non-Fiction Best Sellers list."

"What?"

"Your book – 'The Avengers: An Analysis – made the Best Sellers list."

"You're fucking joking," Emily gasped as she spun her home office chair to face the computer. Her fingers flew across the keyboard before she shrieked. "Oh my god!"

"Congrats Em," Carter laughed. "One life goal accomplished."

"Oh my god, Cart! This is…this is…holy shit."

"You're so articulate; it's easy to see how you had part of a best seller."

"Shut up," she grinned. "Oh my god, I can't believe this. How'd you find out?"

"I've got you on Google Alerts."

"Nice to know your spying has gotten so high tech," she smirked.

"Only the best for my favorite mark. Listen, I'm running into a meeting now, but you and I will celebrate later, alright?"

"Definitely. If you see my long-lost boyfriend, tell him I said hello and remind him that tonight is our make up date night. And as much as I love you, if you show up instead of him again, there are going to be problems."

"I'll tell him," he chuckled, "And Emily?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really happy for you. I know how hard you worked for this."

"Thank you Carter," Em said, blinking against the sudden tears in her eyes. "Love you."

"Love you too." As soon as they disconnected, Em jumped to her feet and did her happy dance. She was a published author, and her contribution had commercial success!

Still grinning, she grabbed her cell phone and began calling people. Her mood was dampened somewhat when the call to Steve went to voice mail. With her mother, it had been expected because she had her high school classes to teach, but her dad was just as excited as she was and made sure that she knew he'd purchased his copy. Tucker had said that he would have a celebratory drink for her. Lauren had preemptively sent her a picture with the book opened to her chapter.

With a glance at her watch, she stood up and walked to her bedroom to change out of her sweatpants and into some actual clothes. Research could wait. Tonight's date night was going to be awesome.

OOO

Cooking at Steve's apartment was so much better than cooking in her own, Emily decided as she grabbed the pan full of pecan and breadcrumb crusted chicken and tossed it into the oven to keep warm. Tony had spared no expense with the appliances, and she definitely appreciated it. Plus, she thought with a smile, Steve's place had a dining room table, unlike her apartment where they ate on the couch.

With a glance at the oven clock, Em threw her hair into a ponytail and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower. Steve was due to be home in half an hour, which gave her just enough time to get ready and whip together the rest of dinner.

Once out of the shower and put together again, Em slipped on the purple dress and black heels before taking the elevator up to Tony and Pepper's floor, which was vacant as the couple was in California. Em raided the well stocked bar for a bottle of Chardonnay and a tumbler of bourbon for the sauce she was going to make.

While she didn't cook very often, Emily could cook when she put her mind to it. Bourbon pecan chicken had been one of her grad school friend's go-to recipes, and she'd begrudgingly shared it with her when Em saved her ass after a computer crash lost the midterm exam she was going to give the next day. It had taken an all-nighter to write it again, but the payment was well worth it. The apple, cranberry, and toasted almond couscous was an Internet find that she loved.

With her last few minutes, Em set the table. She felt somewhat cheesy lighting two candles, but she and Steve hadn't spent much time together since he'd started with S.H.I.E.L.D. and she was ready to celebrate. During the last three week, Steve had been out on missions more often than not. In order to see each other, Em had taken to spending the night at his place regardless of her schedule. Her commute to the university was longer, but those few minutes she was awake enough to ask him about his day when he slid into bed with her and the quick conversations over coffee as she got ready was the most time they were guaranteed. They'd decided to have a weekly date night but it was a bust, as Steve had to constantly reschedule. But with the Fall semester over, Em didn't have to worry about classes, grading, office hours, or department meetings.

There were definite perks to being a professor, she thought with a smile.

When Steve was ten minutes late, Emily shrugged it off. When he was half an hour late, she started to worry. By the time an hour hit, she'd called him twice but without an answer and had broken into the wine. It was edging closer to an hour and a half when she got a text message.

_Staying late, not sure when I'll be home. Sorry I missed your call. Love you._

Em read it over again before sighing and letting the phone drop back onto the table. She put her head in her hands and tried to blink back the tears of disappointment that – yet again – Steve had cancelled at the last minute. Hell, it wasn't even last minute. He had forgotten.

OOO

"Cap," Clint said, nudging Steve. "Your floor."

"Hum?" Steve grunted before swiping a hand over his face.

"Get some sleep. You've been busting your ass these last few weeks."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll do that," Steve nodded as the elevator door opened to his floor of Stark Tower.

"Mmmm, something smells good," Clint grinned, nudging Steve again. "Must be nice to have home cooked meals to come home to."

"Fuck. God damn it," Steve hit his head against the elevator wall and grimaced.

"Guessing that's not a good thing. I hope she's not to pissed."

"She's going to be."

"Have fun with that. Night."

"Yeah," Steve sighed. "Night." He dropped his bag by the couch and shrugged off his jacket while JARVIS brought up the lights. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but he could tell that Emily had been there.

"JARVIS?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Is Emily here?"

"No. She left approximately six hours ago after cleaning up from her dinner."

"Great." He clenched his fists and tapped them against his hips, trying to keep himself calm. He couldn't believe he'd done it – _again_.

"I believe she left a plate for you in the refrigerator." Steve crossed the apartment and pulled open the fridge. Placed on the top shelf was a saran wrapped place with a folded pieced of paper placed on top of it. He recognized Em's untidy handwriting.

_Bourbon pecan chicken and Israeli couscous with apples, cranberries, and almonds. Enjoy._

When he opened the paper, it took everything in him not to punch something. It was a print out, and one line was highlighted – her book. Steve slammed the fridge shut and turned to lean against the kitchen island. "Fuck."

OOO

Emily frowned into her pillow and pulled the blanket higher against the winter chill, not quite sure what had woken her up.

And then she heard something rustling in the kitchen.

Heart in her throat, Em flung back the covers and reached for her cell phone. She dialed 911 as she crept over to her purse and pulled out her pepper spray, but didn't hit the send button. Her pink fuzzy socks muffled her footsteps, and the door thankfully didn't squeak as she pulled it open.

"Whoa!" Steve said, turning around from the refrigerator, milk carton in hand, to see Em with her pepper spray pointed at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded, lowering the canister and pressed the end button on her phone.

"I missed date night so I came over," he said, giving her a tentative smile.

"It's three in the morning," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm going back to bed."

"Emily, wait. I'm sorry."

"I'm tired, Steve. Let's just deal with this in the morning." Yawning, she turned to walk back into her room.

"Hey," Steve said, shoving the milk back into the fridge and hurrying out of the kitchen after her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against his chest. "Sweetheart, I'm really sorry about this."

"Tomorrow."

"Okay." After kissing her shoulder, Steve let her go. "I'll be right in."

"'K," Em mumbled, rubbing her eyes. She stumbled back into her room and left the door open for him. He, however, went into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

As he was brushing his teeth, Steve noticed a purple box in the trashcan and a single word caught his eye – pregnancy. He felt his heart jump into his throat and spat out the toothpaste. "Doll?" She didn't answer. After putting his toothbrush away, Steve hurried to the bedroom. "Emily?"

"Hmmm?" she asked, not opening her eyes.

"Is there something I should know?" he asked, his voice slightly hopeful.

"Huh?"

"There's a…uh…test in the bathroom." He watched her carefully; her eyebrows furrowed as she rolled onto her back and rubbed her forehead.

"Don't worry 'bout it."

"You're…you're not…?"

"Nope."

"You sure?"

"Yup," she yawned. "Took the test a few days ago since I my period didn't come again, and we haven't exactly been careful."

"It's got nothing to do with your doctor's appointment tomorrow, does it?" After a moment, Emily opened her eyes and flipped back the covers for him before patting the bed.

"Nope. Just going for a check up."

"You'd tell me if something was wrong, though, right?" Steve asked as he slid into the bed.

"Yeah."

"It's just…you've been going to a lot of appointments recently…"

"The optometrist and dentist don't really count," she smirked, her eyes drifting shut again. Smiling, he put a hand on her hip and rolled her onto her side to face him. He slid his hand under her shirt and ran his thumb back and forth over her scar. She groaned, still uncomfortable with the attention he paid to the puckered wound.

"Congratulations." Em stayed quiet, but he could feel her tense slightly. "Number eight. That's impressive."

"Thanks." Steve shifted closer to her and kissed the tip of her nose and then cheek as his hand skated further upwards to cup her breast.

"Tired."

"Yeah?" He asked, brushing his thumb across her nipple.

"Yeah."

"Okay." His hand drifted back to her waist as he kissed her. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, babe."

"And I want to make it up to you for missing date night. How about you and I go for a nice dinner tomo – " He paused. "The day after tomorrow, and celebrate big."

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask if he was actually going to make that one but she resisted and nodded, giving him a sleepy smile. "Now it's bed time. Night, _mon coeur_."

"Night, Sweetheart."

OOO

The breakfast Steve had made her that morning rolled in Emily's stomach as she jiggled her foot and attempted to read the magazine sitting in her lap.

"Emily Harthorn?" The nurse called, glancing down at her clipboard. Em stood quickly and gave her a tense smile before tossing the magazine back onto the coffee table. "How are you today?"

"Good, thanks. You?"

"Fine. If you'd just wait in here, Dr. Richardson will be with you momentarily." The nurse left Emily in the office and shut the door behind her. Her eyes darted around, looking at the degrees and artwork hanging on the walls. One section behind the glass desk was just pictures of babies and their parents – success stories.

The nerves were starting to build again when the door opened, and Dr. Richardson strolled in, chart in hand. "Hi Dr. Harthorn," the brunette smiled. "How are you today?"

"Nervous," Emily admitted.

"Well," Dr. Richardson said, taking the seat next to rather than behind the desk. "I won't keep you waiting on the results then. As you know, we checked to see if your fallopian tubes were blocked and, like I said then, they're clear. The blood sample we took, though, was to measure your anti-Müllerian hormone level to check your ovarian reserve. Now, I usually don't do this for women who aren't actively trying to get pregnant, but given your emergency unilateral oophorectomy, I understand why you wanted to do this."

"Thanks," she gave a tense smile before biting her lip.

"Alright, now," reproductive endocrinologist said, tapping the clipboard. "Your levels are lower than a woman your age normally, but that can be explained by having an ovary removed."

"Okay…?"

"A low AMH level means that your ovarian reserve is down. This means that it may be more difficult for you to get pregnant naturally. But –" she said quickly reaching over to put her hand on Em's knee, "not impossible."

"Oh."

"That being said, if you do have trouble getting pregnant after six months of trying, we can do some more tests and talk about other options."

"So I should start trying soon? Or start thinking about IVF?"

"No," Dr. Richardson said giving her a soft smile, "no, you still have time before worrying about it. I'm just trying to tell you that there are options."

"Okay."

OOO

Emily didn't talk to anyone about her doctor's appointment. It was made somewhat easier by Steve not being at home. Had he seen her, he would have known something was wrong right away. Instead, she dug into a tub of ice cream and took the time to think.

She'd always though that having kids would be easy. Yes, she'd known her mother had difficulties, but she didn't think _she'd _have those problems. There was always going to be time after she finished school, after she found a lecturing position, after she was successfully published…

The spoon stopped halfway to her mouth when she realized that she, Dr. Emily Rose Harthorn, had officially ticked all but one of the requirements necessary before thinking about having kids.

When, for god's sake, had she become an established adult? Em certainly didn't _feel_ like an adult. Sure, there were bills in her name, and those horrible student loans to pay every months…she'd lived on her own about ten years… people actually trusted that what she was lecturing about was true…

But there was still the issue of making sure laundry was done. And a responsible adult would never eat peanut butter and jelly straight from the jar because they were too lazy to go to the store after the bread went bad.

Suddenly angry at being confronted with this massive life decision Emily stood up and began to pace through the apartment. "Fuck," she muttered, her voice half terror and half awe. Was she, at 27, really ready to have another human life dependent upon her?

And why was she even thinking about that? She and Steve hadn't met the last criteria she'd established before they even thought about having kids: they hadn't been married for a year. Hell, they hadn't even been _dating_ for a year, not even half a year if you counted the their split.

As she passed through the living room for the seventh time, Emily looked over at the pamphlets that Dr. Richardson had given her and, after a moment, reached for them. Tears gathered in her eyes as she thumbed through _Facing Infertility_, so she tossed it aside and looked at _Preserving Your Fertility_.

Emotionally drained, Em collapsed back onto the couch and flung an arm over her head. She stared at the ceiling and lost track of time until she heard the key jingling in the door hours later. Startled, she sat up and snatched the pamphlets off of the coffee table. Without thinking, she shoved them into the couch just as Steve stepped inside.

"Hi," he grinned, lifting up a brown paper bag. "I brought over the dinner you made."

"Great," Em forced a smile as she stood up and walked over to the kitchen. Steve leaned down to peck her cheek before setting the bag on the counter. "You want to eat now?"

"Yeah, I'm starving."

OOO

Emily shifted and checked her phone again, trying to keep her face neutral. She could feel the waitress looking over at her again – that pitying look for someone who had been stood up.

It was one of the fanciest restaurants she'd been to, with dim lighting and twinkling chandlers. When Pepper had heard where they were going (and Em strongly suspected that she'd had a hand in getting them reservations) she'd raved about the food and atmosphere. Apparently Tony had rented out the entire place for her birthday one year, which spoke volumes about how good it was.

As the waitress walked towards her, a soft smile on her mouth, Emily took another gulp of her wine. "Ma'am, would you like to order, or are you still waiting?"

"I'll give him ten more minutes," Em said, attempting to muster up a smile. "He must have gotten caught up in work."

"Okay. Would you like another glass of wine?"

"Please."

Ten minutes and another glass of wine later, Steve was officially an hour late, and Emily was done waiting for him. After settling the bill for her drinks – with another pitying look, and an embarrassed flush on her cheeks – and retrieving her coat from the coat check, she walked out of the restaurant knowing that she'd never go there again. Em stepped outside and shuddered against the sharp blast of wind that lifted her dress and cut through her thick tights. It was threatening snow as she hurried to the train station, head bent and gloved hands shoved into her coat pockets. The first tear had slipped down her cheek when she heard him.

"Emily? Damn it, Emily, wait!" she turned around at the heavy footsteps behind her and saw Carter jogging towards her. "Em," he said softly when he saw how upset she was. Quickly, she reached up to brush away the tear and straightened her shoulders.

"What are you doing here? Did Steve send you?" It was hard to tell if it was a blush or wind burn that made his cheeks red, but the pause was very telling. "You've got to be _fucking_ kidding me."

"He got called away at the last minute," Carter sighed. "I – "

"'At the last minute'?" Em snapped. "I've been waiting for almost an hour!" He flinched and reached out to touch her shoulder but she jerked away.

"Emily, he's really s – "

"Don't apologize for him!" Another icy blast whipped down the road, and Carter took a step towards her and placed a hand on her elbow.

"Come on, let's go inside and – "

"I'm not going back in there."

"Fine, let's go somewhere else and get out of the cold."

"I just want to go home."

"Please? For my sake?"

"No, Carter, not tonight."

"Alright," he sighed, his shoulders sagging. "At least let me give you a ride."

OOO

"I said I wanted to go home," Emily huffed as they went further into Manhattan.

"I'll take you home, don't worry," Carter said, reaching over to pat her hand. "I just wanted to show you the progress they've made on my flat."

"Can't it wait?"

"It won't take long, love," he assured her, and then smirked when she rolled her eyes.

They parked in the underground garage after being finger printed and took the elevator up to the penthouse. When they stepped out into the living room, Emily had half expected the lights to turn on, as she was so used to JARVIS doing that at Steve's place.

"Sorry, don't have the electricity turned on yet," Carter apologized, holding up his cell phone. "There are torches around here somewhere."

"It's fine," Emily shrugged, pulling off her gloves as she walked over to the floor-to-ceiling windows. Even this far up, the light from the city spilled into the apartment, illuminating the empty room. "Where's all of your stuff?"

"What I could salvage," Carter said, picking up a wrench from the kitchen countertop and flipping it in his hand, "is put into storage. The estate wants to hire an interior decorator and…"

"Really?" Em chuckled, turning away from the window. "An interior decorator?"

"It'll help with the resale value apparently."

"Are you selling?"

"Eventually," he shrugged, setting the wrench back down. "It doesn't make sense to keep the flat if I'm going to be spending most of my time at the manor."

"How's he doing?"

"He's…doing alright. Talking to Steve boosted his spirits but…He's still…"

"I know," Em said. "But he's your grandpa."

"Ha," he gave a sarcastic chuckle. "You had a 'grandpa'. I have a grandfather. It's all, 'Uphold the family name' and 'You're a Falsworth, it's time to act like it' and – this isn't why I brought you here."

"It's easier dealing with someone else's' problems." Carter smirked and walked over to join her, sliding an arm across her shoulders. Em leaned against him, wrapping an arm around his waist. They were quiet for a moment before he sighed.

"He is sorry, you know."

"Please don't."

"It's not personal, darling, it's work. He – "

"Doesn't need you to make his excuses for him," Emily cut him off. "And I know that he's busy with work but…I don't think a phone call is too much to ask for. I mean, it's one thing for him to stand me up when we're just going to hang out at home, but god, it's so embarrassing being stood up in public! All it took was him picking up the phone, and I would have gone back to the apartment and that would have been the end of it."

"I know," Carter said, pressing a kiss into her hair.

"And I feel like such a hypocrite complaining about him being at work all the time because I encouraged him to go back to S.H.I.E.L.D., and now I just sound like a needy girlfriend whose throwing a temper tantrum about her boyfriend not paying attention to her." Carter stayed quiet, knowing that she needed to vent rather than hear reassurances and, after a minute, she kept talking.

"I mean, I thought I could handle it, the whole 'dating a superhero' thing. I thought it wouldn't be that different from dating someone in the military. But I always knew when Garrett was leaving and when he'd be back. Steve…he's gone at the drop of a hat and who knows when he's coming home. Or what state he's going to be in, mentally and physically."

"And tonight," she gasped, trying to fight back a sob as she pulled away from Carter. "Tonight I just wanted to celebrate with my boyfriend. I mean, I know in the grand scheme of things," Emily said, her voice brittle as she swiped at the tears gathering in her eyes, "that it's not a big deal – it's not saving the world. But it's a big deal to _me_."

"I know that, darling," Carter said softly. "It's a huge accomplishment, and I'm proud of you."

"I just…I just wish he'd make me a priority. But then I think that's selfish because he is literally saving the world while he's away and – "

"You're not being selfish," he cut her off. "You should be a priority." Carter pulled her back towards him and enveloping her in a hug. "Emily, your book – it's huge. And I know that Steve wanted to celebrate with you; he's been bragging about you to the team."

"Team?"

"I can't tell you about that," he sighed. "But what you need to know is that Steve wouldn't be doing this if it weren't imperative."

"I know, it's just…I don't know anymore, Cart."

"Yes you do, Emily," he sighed, pressing a kiss into her hair. "And I'm saying this as someone who loves you dearly: you're being a bit stupid." Em pulled away from him but he kept a tight hold on her. "Now hear me out before you get angry, alright? We are not dating, but you come and speak to me about your problems instead of the guy you actually are seeing."

"Excuse me?"

"When something goes wrong, you don't feel like you can talk to Steve about it, so you turn to me. And I'm very happy to talk you through it, but I'm not who you should be leaning on. You and Steve plan on getting married some day, right?"

"Yeah…"

"If you ever expect to get to that point, you need to start talking to him or it's going to end badly."

"You're right," Emily said after a moment. "Sorry about putting you in the middle of everything."

"It's alright. Now," he said, letting her go and clapping his hands together. "Shall I give you the grand tour?"

"Of course," she smiled.

OOO

Steve hovered in the doorway, watching as Emily danced with her partner, wincing slightly when he stepped on her toes. While he couldn't hear it over the music, he knew that Em was assuring the man that it was alright – she did it every time Steve stepped on her toes.

When the song came to an end, the instructor clapped her hands to get the class's attention. "That was wonderful! I just wanted to say that I hope you have a wonderful holiday, and I'll see you in the New Year." Everyone clapped for a moment before talking erupted as the students gathered their things.

Emily's cheeks were flushed as she laughed with her dance partner, placing her hand on his arm as they stood off to the side. She was wearing that green dress that he liked, and her hair was pulled back from her face. After being away for five days, Emily was a sight for sore eyes.

"-Going to do fine," she said as she walked towards the door. "You're fiancé is going to love it, believe me."

"I hope so," the man smirked. "Have a good Christmas, Em."

"You too, Blake. See you in January." As they drew closer, Steve caught Blake's eye and gave a slight nod before pushing off of the doorframe. Blake returned it before smiling at Emily and making his exit.

"Hi," Steve smiled.

"You're back," she said, draping her coat over her arm and pulling it tight against her chest. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers briefly.

"Just finished debriefing. Listen, I'm really sorry about Satu –"

"I'd rather not talk about that here," she cut him off.

"Okay. Want to go grab something for dinner?"

"I ate before class."

"Oh," Steve said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Alright." Em shifted and moved to put on her coat. "Here, let me," he said quickly, taking it from her and holding it out.

"Thanks." They didn't really say anything as they walked out of the dance studio, and after Em had put on her gloves, Steve took her hand and kissed it.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too. Everything go okay?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

The awkwardness continued as rode the train back to her apartment, and when they stopped at the deli so Steve could get dinner. Once they were back at her place, Em left him sitting on one of the bar stools while she went to her room and slipped off her heels and thick tights. He'd inhaled the sandwich by the time she got back, which made her raise an eyebrow.

Once he'd wiped his mouth and tossed the napkin onto the sandwich wrapping, Steve turned to face her as she walked past him to settle on the couch, pulling her feet under her dress as she reached for the remote. "You're mad at me, aren't you?"

Emily rested her elbow on the armrest and buried her hand in her hair, avoiding his gaze. "Yeah, a bit."

After her talk with Carter, Emily had been ready to talk to Steve about what had really been bothering her. But when he hadn't come back on Tuesday, she'd tried to get in touch with S.H.I.E.L.D. but the operator wouldn't tell her anything, or even acknowledge that they worked for the organization. Carter hadn't been able to find anything out either. Fast forward to Thursday, and she was more than upset.

"More than a bit," he countered. "You're really mad."

"Actually, I'm edging towards pissed."

"That bad, huh?" he asked, pushing off of the chair and joining her on the couch.

"Well, you stood me up three times. And by the way, sending Carter in your place doesn't make it any better."

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart," Steve sighed. "I...It's just that with S.H.I.E.L.D. – "

"I understand that, I really do, but I don't think picking up the phone to let me know that you can't make it," she held up a finger, "_before_ you're an hour late is too much to ask for. I want… I want to be a priority, Steve, not an afterthought."

"You are a priority, Emily. You're my _first_ priority."

She scoffed and muttered under her breath, "Sure as hell feels like it."

"Emily," he said, his voice weary. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else I can say."

"Never mind, Steve. Just forget about it." She stood up and walked to the kitchen, pausing to crumple up his sandwich wrapper and tossed it in the trash. Em got a glass of water, and when she turned around, Steve was right there; jumping, she said, "Jesus Christ."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Apology accepted, okay? Just don't do it again, and we'll be fine."

"You're lying."

Emily looked up at the ceiling, trying to ward off the tears gathering in her eyes. "Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to be stood up? In that type of restaurant?"

Steve flushed, easily able to picture it. A few times Bucky had set him up on a double date, he'd ended up being the third wheel when his date had 'gotten sick' or 'had to take care of her mother/sister/brother'. "I'm so sorry, Sweethe – "

"And to send Carter? Like him being there would make it all better? Jesus, Steve, he's not your stand in."

"I know that. And believe me, Emily, I wanted to be there, but I had to go on that mission. I have to know that you're safe when I'm not here, and you're safe with an age - " He quickly cut himself off.

"With a what?"

"With Carter."

"You were going to say 'agent', weren't you?" Steve didn't say anything, which made Emily frown. "Carter's not with me all the time." And then something clicked in her head. "You have got to be _FUCKING _kidding me! You better not be saying what I think you're saying."

"It's for your safety, Emily." She slammed her glass down onto the counter and shoved him. He had the decency to take a step backwards.

"You've got someone _following _me?!"

"I have to make sure – "

"How could you do that?" she demanded. "How could you invade my privacy like that?"

He pressed his lips together as though he was trying not to say something, and she could see the cogs turning in his head as he tried to phrase something. "There's…right now, I'm…" he opened his mouth before closing it again and running a hand over his face. "There's some things I can't tell you, but you have to know that everything I'm doing is for the best."

"_Peu importe_," she huffed. "I'm going to go to bed. You should leave."

"I'm not leaving."

"Fine. I hope the couch is comfortable."

"Really?" That's how you want to leave this?"

"If we keep going, I'm going to say something I'll regret and it's going to get worse, so yes, this is where I want to stop for now."

"Fine."

"Fine." Emily stepped around him and stormed to her room, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Fuck," Steve spat, slapping the palm of his hand on the counter. Defeated, he hung his head and pushed himself up, walking over to the couch. With his leg, he pushed the coffee table out of the way, careful not to knock it into the Christmas tree. He was pulling off the cushions when Emily walked back out of her room, pointedly not looking at him, and retrieved her water. "What are these?"

Em turned around and felt the blood drain from her face. Steve was holding up the pamphlets from Dr. Richardson. "N-nothing, they're nothing."

"They're not nothing," Steve said, voice sharp as he held up _Facing Infertility_. When she flinched, his shoulders dropped, "Emily…" He took a step towards her, and she shook her head and held up a hand.

"Tomorrow."

"No. Talk to me now." When she shook her head and tried to make a beeline for her room, Steve let the papers fall to the floor and went after her, sticking his foot between the door and the frame when Em tried to shut it. He pushed it open and stood in front of her, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I can't Steve!"

"Can't what?"

"I can't talk to you about this, not now."

"When? At least tell me when you went to the doctors and got those."

"Last week," she said softly, and Steve spun on his heel, burying his hands in his hair.

"Last week? You've known for a week and you didn't say anything?"

"When were you here?!" Em snapped, slamming the glass down on her nightstand.

"Thursday. You had to have found out on Thursday, and I was here then."

"I couldn't…I couldn't talk about it then. I don't want to talk about it now!"

"Tough," Steve said. "We're talking about it."

"You don't get it, do you?!"

"No, Emily, I don't because you don't talk to me about this stuff! You don't tell me about your nightmares, you don't tell me about what's bothering you, and now this?"

"I can't!"

"Yes y – "

"No! I can't! Because you've got so much on your shoulders already that I can't put one more thing on them! Because you come home so upset about whatever it is you're doing that I don't feel like I can tell you what's going on with me!"

"Sweeth – " Steve took a step towards her, but Emily stepped back.

"Don't."

"Em – "

"Don't."

Scowling, he moved towards her, Emily retreating the entire time, until she was backed against the closet door and he put a hand on either side of her head. Tears were falling freely as she ducked her head, arms crossed over her chest, trying to avoid his gaze. "Would you just look at me, please?" When she didn't, Steve tipped her chin up, and growled in frustration when her eyes slid to the side. "Doll…" He wiped away her tears with his thumb, and gave her a soft smile when her eyes flitted to meet his briefly before she looked away.

"Listen to me: regardless of what happened while I was on a mission, I need to hear what's going on with you. Okay?" Em still didn't say anything, but she pressed her lips together and wiped her face. "I love you, Emily."

"You're having me followed?" Steve sighed and buried his face in the curve of her neck, brushing his lips against her throat.

"I need you to be safe."

"You're invading my privacy." Em shifted away from him and shook her head. "You know how much I hated it before."

"I know," Steve sighed. "I just…" He looked like he was debating himself before he let out a heavy breath. "It's HYDRA. That's why I've been gone so much, and why I'm going crazy about protecting you."

"HYDRA ended after World War II."

"They didn't," he countered. "They're getting more active, and S.H.I.E.L.D.'s helping me shut them down." Emily met his gaze and Steve shook his head before tentatively moving his hands to her hips. "I made a promise that I wasn't gonna stop until they were all dead or captured, and I'm trying to keep that promise now. But I have to know that you're going to be alright."

"I'm safe."

Steve shook his head again and let out a frustrated huff. "HYDRA killed Bucky and Erskine; they're not going to get to you."

"Why would they come after me? I'm a nobody." The corner of his mouth turned downwards.

"You're the expert on Captain America, for one. They might think that you know something." Em cocked her eyebrow. "And because they know who I am," he said. "They know that I'm Captain America, and I don't want them to use you to get to me."

"How do they know you're _you_?"

"I didn't exactly keep myself a secret with the USO," he smirked.

"Right," Em said quietly. "Institutional memory."

"I thought you were supposed to be the expert," Steve teased, succeeding in getting her lip to twitch into a small smile.

"So it's HYDRA? That's why you're away all the time?"

"That's it." Steve leaned down and kissed her, tasting the saltiness of her tears. "Now it's your turn: why'd you go to the doctor?" Em immediately pulled away and dropped her eyes to his chest.

"Steve…"

"No, Emily, I need to know." Em sighed and put her hands on his chest, pushing slightly against him.

"I need you to be away from me when I tell you." Steve raised an eyebrow but took a step backwards. "No, further."

"Alright," he said slowly, walking further away until she nodded when he was across the bedroom. This, he knew, wasn't a good sign; Emily had a thing about needing distance when she had bad news, needed to not be touched when she delivered it.

"Could you…would you turn around?"

"Sweetheart."

"Please?"

"Fine," Steve sighed, turning to face the wall. "Now what happened?"

"I went last Monday because I needed to know why I wasn't having my period yet," Em said, a blush flooding her cheeks. "I was getting worried that…that it was worse than Dr. Nadar said it would be. So I went to a fertility specialist who…" she paused when Steve raised an arm and braced himself against the wall. "She did a procedure to check that my fallopian tubes weren't blocked, and they're not, so that's good news. But she said she could do this test to – to see how many eggs I had left and give me a rough estimate I have to conceive naturally."

"Okay," Steve said.

"I went back on Thursday for the results and – " Emily chocked back a sob, but when Steve moved as if to turned around, she shouted, "No, please! Don't."

"Emily," he groaned.

After a deep breath, she continued. "It-it wasn't the news I'd hoped for. Apparently I have 'a little time' left b-before I'll have to c-consider IVF or…" She shook her head, "but not much."

"Honey," Steve said, feeling slightly foolish that he was addressing the wall. When he looked over his shoulder, Em had her face in her hands. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Be-because," she said, lifting her head. "Please?" With a huff, he turned to face the wall again. Her next words came out in a rush. "Because you really want kids and now I don't know if I can have them, and I don't want them right now, and I didn't want you to get mad about that and leave."

He stood in stunned silence for a moment as Em sniffled before whipping around and striding over to her. She held out a hand to stop him from touching her, but he brushed it aside and pulled her into his arms. "You are so stupid sometimes, you know that?" he said, exasperation saturating his voice. Em kept pushing against him, but Steve leaned down and captured her lips before peppering her face with kisses. "Listen to me. Hey!" When she didn't meet his gaze, he cupper her face and forced her to. "I don't care, alright? If we don't have kids, we don't have kids. As long as I've got you, I'm going to be happy."

"You say that now, but in a few years…"

"In a few years, if we decide we want them, we'll go talk to your doctors, okay? And if that doesn't work, we'll adopt. Hell, your brother can walk us through the process and we can get a kid out of the orphanage."

"But – "

"But nothing. I love you, Emily Rose. I'm not going to let you push me away because of this. Got it?" he asked, using his Captain America tone.

"You're sure? Because I'd under – "

"I'm not going anywhere. Now get that through your thick skull, Sweetheart," he said, tempering his harsh words with a smile. After brushing away her tears with his thumbs, Steve leaned down and kissed her again before working his way down her neck as his hands slid down her sides. Em clutched at his shoulders, taking shaky breaths as she tried to get her emotions back under control.

"Love you," she said softly, running her hand across his jaw line.

"Love you too. Now," he smirked. "Do I really have to sleep on the couch?"

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hey guys, so sorry about the lapse of time between updates. My personal, professional, and academic life collided in a cluster f**k that made writing impossible. Also, would like to give a special thanks to _pizzagirl_ and _blown-transistor _for being sounding boards for this one, and keeping me sane these last few weeks. And Abby! I don't know your FF screen name, but you've been an awesome cheerleader on Tumblr!

With the chapter not a ton to say. Blake, Em's dance partner? Definitely a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. And I'm sorry if it seemed like Steve was mostly in the wrong, I tried to balance it with Em keeping secrets.

As always, thank you for reading, and let me know what you think!


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